Malachy Lynam
Have you ever felt like you are just an option to that man in your life?
Maybe you’ve been dating for a few months, or even longer, but often you get the feeling that you are not a priority to him.
Sound familiar?
If so, you’re probably not sure if it’s actually the case. I mean, relationships are complicated, and some men aren’t the best communicators.
Well, today, I will give you a guy’s perspective.
Through the years, I have had many friends who were quite frankly going through the motions in some of their relationships. I am ashamed to say I have been that guy too.
Based on my experience, I’ll give you seven clear-cut signs that you are not his priority.
Before we get into it, there are a few things to keep in mind.
- I am not going to beat around the bush on this one, so don’t be surprised if I come across as a bit harsh.
- I’ll admit one or two of these signs might be excusable. However, if you can relate to many, it’s a clear-cut sign that you are not that important to him.
- His behavior likely isn’t due to you. There’s no sense in beating yourself up about it if you relate to many of the below signs.
Let’s dive in.
1) He makes last-minute plans with you
Does he often make plans with you at the last minute?
Does he message you to go out for dinner in a few hours? Or worse, does he message you when he’s already out?
Well, this could be a sign that he’s pretty disorganized, right?
It could.
But in my experience, it’s more likely a sign you are an afterthought.
Sadly, he probably thinks of you when he has nothing better to do or when he’s bored.
If he also does this next thing, this is almost certainly the case.
2) When he does invite you out, it’s often midweek
What’s wrong with midweek?
Well, nothing, really.
However, if the man in your life only ever invites you out during the week, it’s another sign that you might not be a priority for him.
Why?
The weekends are busier. That’s when the events are. That’s when the football is on. That’s when the boys go out.
His inviting you out exclusively on weekdays might suggest that he saves his weekends for things that are more important than you.
I’ll concede there may be some cases when this isn’t the case but for the most part, this is a red flag.
3) He often bails on you at short notice
There are occasional instances when we all have to cancel plans on short notice, but if this is happening often, it’s a clear sign that you are just an option to him.
A man who is truly interested in a woman will prioritize his plans with her.
If he cancels on you from time to time, it’s not a big deal.
But if you regularly get messages that read something like “Hey. Really sorry. Can’t make it tonight. Work is super busy”, you can take it as a sign that you are not that important to him.
Talking about being busy with work…
4) He is often ‘busy’ with work
Another clear sign that you are not on top of his priority list is that he often uses work as an excuse for not being able to find time to see you.
This may be the case. He might well be very busy at work, but he is still prioritizing his work over you.
However, it’s probably more likely that he’s not that busy at work.
Most guys have some free time unless they are in a very high-powered career.
The hard truth is that if you are really important to him, he will make time to see you.
5) He doesn’t introduce you this his friends or family
You may have guessed this one would make the list, and it is a big one.
There are a few reasons why this might be the case with family, so it’s wise not to jump to conclusions.
Does he have a bad relationship with his family, or do they live far away? These are understandable reasons for not introducing you.
But if you are more than just an option to him, he will introduce you to his friends.
If a man is serious about a relationship, he will want to know that you get along with his friends. It makes life a lot easier.
And let’s face it, we could all do with a little more ease in our lives.
If you have been dating for some time and have not met any of his friends, it’s a sign that he may not see the relationship as a long-term thing.
There could be a genuine excuse for this, but honestly, I don’t know what it might be.
Any of my previous girlfriends that I thought I had a future with met my friends.
The ladies who my friends dated and I didn’t meet didn’t last.
6) His friends don’t even know about you
Have you ever run into some of his closer friends while on a date, and they seemed to be completely unaware that you existed?
Run. To him, you are not even worth mentioning.
Men talk. If he hasn’t mentioned you to his good friends, this is a huge red flag.
That said, men don’t talk that much.
If his work colleagues don’t know you exist, for example, I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it.
I, and many of my friends, liked to keep our work lives and our private lives separate. It just makes things easier.
7) He avoids making future commitments
Have you talked about doing something with him a few months down the line, only for him to put off talking about it?
He hasn’t committed to going to your friend’s wedding with you in a few months? Doesn’t want to make Christmas plans?
If so, it’s another red flag.
Quite simply, it suggests that he’s not confident that your relationship has a chance of going the distance.
The bottom line
I know some of this may seem harsh and unfair; it probably is.
That said, it may have nothing to do with you.
In fact, it probably doesn’t.
We all mature at different rates, and if you can relate to many of these signs, the man you are seeing is probably lacking some emotional maturity.
I know that was the reason for this sort of behavior when I acted like this in some relationships as a younger man.
If it’s any consolation, I don’t do this anymore. I am happily married.
So are many of the friends who I based these signs on, and by all accounts, they are model husbands.
