Jude Paler
Starting to think that your spouse is right, and you need to change before things get worse?
It doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing scenario.
You can take small steps today that will improve the likelihood that your marriage will stay intact.
They may be going through this list themselves, and they just haven’t told you yet!
Try these easy suggestions to save your marriage.
1) Learn to communicate better
Communication is one of the key factors of a happy and intact marriage.
Keeping your thoughts and feelings from your spouse is a surefire way to have them feel disconnected from you.
When you don’t communicate, you’re saying that what’s happening in your head isn’t important to them. They may start feeling like they’re not important to you, which can lead to feelings of resentment.
If you aren’t communicating well with someone, it often means that they don’t feel valued or respected by you.
Always remember:
Communicate when things are easy and especially when things are difficult!
The way you communicate with one another can either bring you closer together or drive you apart.
It is important to learn the best communication skills for a healthy relationship and marriage.
Rather than seeking answers that confirm your worst fears and insecurities, learn to explore alternative solutions.
Make sure you’re asking open-ended questions that require more than one-word answers.
Strive for dialogue, not the same repeatedly circular arguments.
However, communication is also one of the biggest factors in failed marriages.
How so?
It is not just words that you speak, but also the feelings and thoughts behind them.
Some people confuse communication with speaking. It is a two-way street, and both of you must be involved.
Encourage your spouse to share their feelings and thoughts, even when you don’t agree with them. If they want to talk about it, they will feel heard and understood.
When you can do this give them the feeling of being listened to and understood which will make them want to answer you.
Again, it doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing scenario.
2) Communicate your preferences, not just your needs
“I need to talk.”
“I need some help around the house.”
These are needs, not preferences.
Feeling a little better?
Then you should be able to say something like this:
“I would like you to call me when you’re going to be home late.”
“I would like a hug when I get home from work.”
These are preferences – things that would make you feel better.
When you and your spouse are communicating healthily, you can start to easily and honestly share your preferences.
If you’re communicating well, you’ll be able to share them with confidence knowing that your spouse will try to meet them.
Go for a walk and talk.
Take a weekend away that’s just for the two of you.
Volunteer together.
Go somewhere new and exciting on your next date night.
If you can share your preferences in a safe way, it will build trust and open communication in your relationship.
Your spouse will begin to feel understood, respected, and valued by you.
3) Be honest
Listen here.
One of the biggest factors that lead to divorce is deception.
People go into their relationships with the best intentions and often have no intention of ever hurting their partner.
However, once you start to lie, there is no going back.
If you’re lying to your spouse, they feel like they don’t know who you are. They feel duped and deceived.
You may not remember everything you told your spouse, but you will remember how you felt when you lied.
When your spouse can’t deduce the truth from what you’re saying, it makes them nervous and suspicious. They feel emotionally disconnected and are not able to trust you.
They may even think that you’re a cheating liar and aren’t ever going to tell them anything.
There’s no avoiding this.
So what must you do?
First and foremost, you need to be truthful with your spouse.
If not, they will start to trust you less and their feelings of love for you will diminish.
Honesty is extremely important for a happy and intact marriage. If you’re not being honest, you’re putting your spouse in danger of becoming unhappy and distrusting.
Try sharing your thoughts and desires in an honest way to help your spouses relieve their feelings of insecurity.
You can do this by starting conversations with these phrases:
“I’d like to [do something].”
“I enjoy [this].” “I appreciate it when you do [this].
Take note! Deception has no place in a happy relationship.
4) Look at your part in the problems
I know you’ll agree with me on this one.
There is no perfect marriage. There is no perfect spouse. There is no perfect communication.
It takes work to get there and to keep it healthy.
If your marriage has been in a rut for a while now, you can be sure that you’re both contributing to the problem.
It’s time for both of you to accept this and start making changes together. If one person isn’t willing to take control, then something needs to change.
You may not be perfect and your spouse may not be perfect, but the couple isn’t all bad.
It would be great if you never got into a fight with your spouse, but we can’t all be perfect spouses.
Take a look at your behavior and try to think of ways you can improve.
For example, if you find that you’re often non-committal with your partner, try being more flexible.
Think about how you act and what behaviors could be better to make sure that both of your needs are met in a marriage.
Another way to approach the situation is to learn to take responsibility for your part in the problems in your marriage.
No one is more to blame.
If you are both willing to put aside your self-interest, you may be able to find what has worked for couples who have been or are about to be divorced.
You will be able to do this if you can admit your failings and ask for forgiveness from each other.
Nobody is perfect in a relationship, so don’t be hard on yourself for not being perfect.
5) Meet your spouse’s needs
This is the “biggie” in marriage.
Give it everything you’ve got to meet their needs because this will make them feel like they’re not being cheated on.
If you can’t meet your spouse’s needs, then they’ll find someone who can.
Don’t let this happen.
Furthermore, you’ll become more centered and focused on your marriage if you give this one all you’ve got.
This will build trust in your relationship.
And what do we know about trust?
It is one of the most important factors in a lasting marriage.
Be careful about how you say “I do” or “I want.” It’s important to find the right words for your spouse.
Communicate effectively with your spouse by having discussions productively. You’ll be able to do this if you focus on the needs of your spouse rather than yourself.
Doing so will allow you to see the bigger picture of what’s going on in the relationship.
Also, make sure you’re becoming a person that your spouse wants to be around.
It’s easy to think that you can get by on what you contribute to the relationship, but a lot of people do not realize how much they need help from their spouse.
Giving is a two-way street. You don’t just give, you also have to receive.
6) Learn to be vulnerable
Are you too scared to show weakness in front of your spouse? Like it makes you think less of yourself?
This is a big no-no!
If you need help, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be able to trust your spouse.
Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable and don’t be afraid of the risk that comes with it.
One of the biggest reasons for a successful marriage is to be vulnerable with each other.
It’s very important to share how you feel with each other.
It’s one of the most intimate things two people can do.
It’s a sign that they want to be together, they want to love each other, and they are not afraid of being rejected by the other person.
It’s a sign that they want to take responsibility for their part in the relationship and find ways to make it better.
How can you do this?
A simple honest statement will do.
“It’s difficult for me to discuss money with you.”
By being open about your feelings and thoughts, you will feel less self-conscious about saying what is really on your mind. This will give the other person a sense of safety and trust.
The more your spouse knows what you are thinking, the more likely they are to share their feelings and thoughts.
Make sure you understand your spouse’s needs and desires and learn to meet them fully.
You can learn how to do this by asking questions that show interest in their situation. This will help them to feel better about your marriage.
7) Learn to be intimate
Intimacy is a key factor in keeping the marriage happy and united.
The more intimate your marriage becomes, the happier you are. You have to learn to be intimate with each other.
There’s no way around it. There is no easy way to do it.
Apart from physical closeness, you and your spouse must also share what’s on your mind. This is another form of intimacy.
One way to do this is to talk about things that are difficult in your relationship.
For example, sharing your feelings has a hard time getting off the ground when one spouse is too afraid to discuss deep feelings within their marriage and share them with the other spouse.
You can ask,
“What do you need from me?”
Be sure that you understand what your spouse wants.
This will help to determine if you are giving it all you’ve got, or giving half of what they deserve.
Make sure that both you and your spouse feel respected in the relationship.
You’ll know if this is the case when they trust in your ability to make decisions with confidence, and when they respect your point of view.
In addition, if they trust in your ability to be the leader of the relationship, they’ll be more willing to take your advice. This will ensure a greater chance of success in your marriage.
8) Be kind to each other
Do you like to fight with your spouse? Do you enjoy putting each other down? Did you think this was fun for them, too?
If this is the case, consider how many times you are giving each other negative attention.
It doesn’t matter if they deserve it or not.
They will still take it and become angry at you. STOP THIS!
Treat each other the way you treat yourself. There’s no easy way to put this.
While it may be difficult to do, you must work at putting kindness into your marriage.
Kindness is another form of intimacy. It makes your marriage stronger and it’s a great way to reach out for what you want from your spouse.
Be kind when you talk with each other and be kind when you disagree on certain topics.
Be patient, be tender with each other, especially in times when the problems seem overwhelming.
Work towards building a strong foundation for your marriage.
Use the examples of your relationship, as well as those of friends, family, and relatives.
Ask yourself what you do that makes you a good spouse or friend.
This will help you understand how to be a good spouse, even when things aren’t going well in your marriage.
And remember this:
No one ever went broke by giving to their marriage.
You may have to give up some things for your marriage, but the rewards are worth it!
9) Learn to have fun together!
Having fun with each other is another way to strengthen your marriage.
Learning to have fun together will help you to be more intimate with each other.
Having fun will strengthen your marriage and help you to have better communication. It will allow you to feel more at ease with each other and it will make the relationship stronger.
This is a win-win situation because, when your spouse feels good, they are more likely to give you what you want in the way of time, affection, and support.
Pay attention to what makes you laugh.
What things do you like doing together?
Take these activities and make them a part of your marriage. It’s important to keep your spouse happy to have a happy marriage.
However, this one is especially hard after the kids are born but it’s still very important!
These small changes don’t require a giant overhaul in personality or major life changes.
Many people know the dangers of having too much time on their hands, but it is easy to forget the many ways this can destroy a marriage.
We all need structured activities in our lives.
That means if we want to keep our marriages together and healthy, we must put just as much effort into improving ourselves.
Be sure to do all of these things TOGETHER, not ALONE.
10) Surround yourselves with positive people
Surrounding yourself with positive people will help you to keep your marriage together.
Positive people are good for your marriage while negative people are bad. It’s easier to improve within an improved environment!
Positive people will build you up and teach you to appreciate life again. They can also help you through the most difficult of times.
You can learn what they are doing right to keep their marriages growing.
Surround yourselves with other married couples who are going through the same thing as you are and make sure that they are doing well in their marriage.
This will give you some positive feedback about your marriage and help you to overcome any issues that arise.
If you find you do have any problems with your spouse, seek help from people who have also experienced problems in their marriages.
This is a great way to get support and make improvements to your marriage. It may not be easy, but it’s a sure way to turn around any bad marriage situation.
It’s important to remember that sometimes, when we surround ourselves with negative people who aren’t doing well in their marriages, we’ll end up feeling similarly or we may just come down with their bad attitude.
And that’s not what we want! Aim to have the same healthy relationship.
We need people around us who will inspire us to be happy and who will help us to love our spouses when things get tough.
People who also have our best interest in mind and are willing to support you and your spouse in your marriage.
Sometimes, it is good to have a third set of eyes looking into your marriage to guide you towards a successful married life.
11) Learn to celebrate your spouse’s successes
It’s important to learn to pay attention and celebrate your spouse’s successes.
Support them in their quest to improve themselves, and take an interest in their goals and dreams.
Be sure to listen when they talk about their goals and dreams. Don’t ignore them or pretend not to care about what they have to say!
Don’t take personal offense when you don’t understand something that they’re talking about.
Instead of arguing, learn from each other and work together as a team.
It’s not the most exciting thing in the world, but it is a good way to feel closer and become more intimate. It will strengthen your marriage because you’ll know that you are truly appreciated.
It will also help you create a win-win situation where both of you feel good and are satisfied with one another.
Do this as often as possible.
This is something that many couples forget to do.
We don’t want to appear jealous or indifferent, but we are when it comes to our spouses’ successes. We want to appear happy and supportive and this is a good way to do it.
Make sure that your spouse knows you’re proud of them.
Sincerely congratulate them on their success, but don’t overdo it either!
Just like all of the other marriage tips mentioned above, this one requires a lot of practice to perfect and be successful.
Start small and build up from there. Celebrate success however small or big.
This will surely strengthen the bond between you and your spouse.
And finally…
12) Let your spouse know you want the marriage to work
There is no easier way for a marriage to work than being open about wanting it to work.
To keep your marriage healthy and strong, you must let your spouse know that you want the marriage to work.
Do this by talking to them, showing them that you care, and following through on what you say.
Be sure to speak kindly.
Don’t overdo it or make your spouse feel pressured into doing something that they don’t want to do.
Have faith that this will work out for the better. Trust that your spouse feels and does the same.
Also, do this by communicating and being honest with them.
The more you both understand and respect each other’s needs, the more likely it is that you both will be able to make your marriage last a lifetime.
It is also important that you have a strong bond and connection together.
And how do you do this?
Be there for each other as much as possible. This is the key to keeping your marriage alive.
You have to work together on everything.
Just remember that the more you work towards improving your marriage, the happier and healthier it will be in the future.
Conclusion
And there you have it!
You must remember.
Just because you’re having problems in your marriage doesn’t mean that you’re a failure.
Everyone faces setbacks and challenges in their marriage at some point in time.
Disagreements and fights are normal in a relationship.
You may never think that these minor issues will lead to divorce, but they do.
However, both of you must be receptive to each other’s feelings and thoughts.
Learn to forgive. It will change you both for the better.
Marriage is a work in progress. Its future depends on you and your spouse.
The question is:
Are you willing to fight for it?
